The way she woke from surgery wasn’t supernatural, or
anything less than what would normally be expected. Anesthesia was never
a friend, and she wasn’t sure she’d even remember the waking up process
later. Thank god. Nobody hated anesthesia like she did.
“Lara.”
She glanced sideways in a surprised haze, and her
half-closed eyes fell on his worried face. “Mike,” she groaned. “What
are you doing here? I told you not to come.”
Her longtime coworker gazed at her without his typical
goofy smile, and it chilled her to the core. “You’re always getting on
me for not listening. I don’t see why you’re surprised.”
“But…” It was so hard to search for a reason for him to
leave while stuck in this stupor. “But what about Corrine and David and
Smith and Mrs. L? I’m sure they need…”
“No,” he interrupted, with more stubbornness than was
characteristic, even for him. “They’ll be fine without me. You need me
here.”
Lara clenched her eyes shut to fight back the tears, and
as feeling returned to her body slowly she realized he’d been grasping
her hand. She chose not to protest; the agonizing pain at her incision
was more of a priority. “I just…I didn’t want you to see me like this. I
didn’t want you to worry.”
“Everyone’s worried, Lara.”
“You told –”
“I didn’t tell,” he assured her. “But everyone knows
something’s wrong. We’ve all known you too long for you to lie to us. I
mean, do you really think you can get away with lying to Smith? That
guy’s annoyingly perceptive.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be fine, Mike.”
“You’re lying again.” He grasped her hand tighter, and
she entwined her fingers with his. “Why didn’t you tell me it was this
bad?”
“I didn’t want to believe it, either…”
“The surgery –”
“The surgery failed, Mike,” she snapped. “The cancer’s already spread. There’s nothing they can do anymore.”
He slumped visibly, pulling his fingers away from her.
She imagined him going through the same emotions as her…the rage, the
depression. “I’m sorry, Mike.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“But –”
“Lara, please shut up. You’re not going to get me to blame you, no matter how much you want me to.”
“Mike…”
“Nobody’s going to blame you. You’re like a health freak.
There’s nothing you could have done to do this to yourself, right? And
who would blame you even if there was?” He raised his head, returning
his hand to hers sympathetically. “You have to tell, Lara.”
“I can’t,” she protested. “It’s not –”
“I thought I told you to shut up,” he chided gently, and
somehow, despite everything, she wasn’t even remotely annoyed as she
obediently sealed her lips. “Are you going to wait to die? Is that what
you want? ‘Oops, sorry, guys. I guess a funeral’s as good as time as any
to tell you I have
cancer.’”
“You’re being mean, Mike.”
“I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm the
pounding of his heart. “But you know we all love you too much to let you
do that…
I love you too much.”
She smiled. “I love you too.”
“No, I don’t think you get it.”
Lara looked up at him curiously from her hospital bed,
the gears of her mind trying to creak into life as she mulled over the
meaning of his words. And then it clicked. “No. Don’t you dare do this.”
“I can’t help it! I’m in love with you. I have been since –”
“No!” She yanked her hand away angrily, recoiling from
him as far as she could manage in the meager space she had. “You’re only
doing this because you think I’m on my deathbed! Some heartfelt
confession to replay in your head after I’m gone, make you feel good
about yourself.”
“You really think I’d do that?” He got to his feet
bitterly, and the way he loomed above her was nearly intimidating. She’d
never found him intimidating before. “You really think that low of me?
I’m telling you because I don’t want to live my life knowing that I let
the woman I love die without knowing how much she mattered!”
“Don’t say that!”
“What, that I love you?”
“Yes!”
“I love you!
I love you! I love you! I love you!”
“Mike, stop!”
“I don’t want you to leave me, Lara!”
She gawked at him as he returned to the chair at her
side, his face buried in his hands. They’d been through so much
together, as partners and as friends. And yet she’d never seen him cry
as he was crying now.
It was she who reached her hand out to comfort him. “You
shouldn’t have waited so long. We could have had so much time.”
Mike looked up at her hopelessly. “Are you saying…” He
nodded knowingly, drying his eyes with his sleeve. “Yeah. We could have
been so much.”
“A wedding.”
“Kids.”
“They took my ovaries, Mike.”
“Eh, who wants kids anyways? They’re all sticky.”
She smiled, running her fingers over his knuckles soothingly. “I don’t want to leave you, Mike. I do love you.”
They both struggled to keep themselves from bursting into
tears again as he leaned in, his lips gently brushing hers. The IVs
pulled at her skin as she reached up and wrapped her fingers in his
hair, pulling him closer. A kiss wouldn’t hurt her, not any more than
she already was. She didn’t need a gentle kiss.
“I’m so sorry, Lara,” he whispered as they broke away, and she studied him worriedly.
“Why?”
“Because I lied.”
Her heart dropped. “W-what are you –”
He smiled sheepishly, squeezing her hand with the
mischievous pride that was more typical of him than the sentimental
honesty he’d bared. “I told.”
A knock sounded on the door, and suddenly the faces of
her boss and favorite coworkers were storming her room, surrounded by an
army of colorful flowers and balloons. “Hey, Lara!” Corrine greeted her
as cheerfully as she could manage. “Thought you could use a little
liveliness in this…oh my god, I’m sorry. My foot permanently lives in my
mouth.”
“Color,” Smith corrected. “The word Corrine was looking for is color.”
“White walls, machines filled with mysterious liquids,”
David laughed shortly. “It’s almost like you brought work here with
you.”
Lara turned to glare at Mike irritably as Smith and David
began tying balloons to the sides of her bed. “Why, you sneaky little
–”
He rolled his eyes and quickly pulled her into another
kiss before she could stop him, and though at first she kept mumbling
beneath his lips Lara soon reciprocated, and then some. She could hear
Corrine squealing excitedly in the background. Who was she kidding?
Given the circumstances, she couldn’t want anything more than all of
this. Who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by the people she loved?
More than anything, Lara prayed the anesthesia would let her remember.
