I hadn't lived in town long when I picked out the little coffee shop on the corner. It was nothing impressive - not some stock-built link in a chain of shops, nor a well-known indie hideaway frequented by hipsters - but the staff was nice and they made excellent coffee. That's all that mattered. The name didn't hurt, either: Mocha Breakin' My Heart. I don't know, I'm a sucker for cute not-quite puns.
I was enough of a regular that the two women behind the counter recognized me, but not enough that they knew my name...it was the level of anonymity I preferred. I hadn't moved here to make friends. I needed time.
It wasn't until my fourth or fifth visit that I noticed him. He wasn't a spectacular man, more of a fixture in the corner of the shop, angled toward the counter. He was older than any of the other patrons I'd seen there, with thin white hair and wrinkles that told of years gone by. He looked as if he'd dressed in the dark.
"Who's that guy?" I asked breezily as I ordered a caramel latte to go. I could feel his eyes turn toward me before the barista had even responded.
"Oh, just another regular. Orders a black coffee every time without fail. Have to admire that kind of consistency." I nodded curtly as she handed me my drink and didn't give it another thought.
When I visited a week later there he was, sitting at the same table, eyes leaving the counter to greet me. The scene was the same when I came back the next day, and the week after that, and on a dreary Wednesday morning, and every other time I set foot in the shop. The same man, in the same place, with the same reaction to my presence. Every time I saw him I grew more and more disquiet.
"What's your deal with me?" I finally demanded on some arbitrary day that had tested my patience more than usual, sliding into the seat across from him with a sense of purpose.
He simply blinked, seemingly puzzled. "Pardon me?"
"What, are you going to tell me it's a big coincidence that you're here watching me every time I come in here?"
"Oh!" He laughed heartily, and his dismissive attitude to my discomfort annoyed me to no end. "No, I suppose it's not."
"I'm glad you find stalking me so hilarious, creep," I snapped, getting to my feet angrily. "I hope you're still laughing when I report you to the police."
"I'm ninety years old, miss. What are they going to do, take away my birthday?" He shook his head with an unperturbed grin. "I only mean that it is not a coincidence because I am here every day."
"Every day?"
"Except once last month for my granddaughter's second wedding."
"Oh." Unsure of what else to do in my embarrassment I sat back down, nervously fidgeting with my coffee cup. "Sorry."
"Quite all right. Her first husband was a dolt anyhow."
"No, I mean -"
"I know what you mean. I am sorry that I frightened you. The thought never occurred to me. I only noticed you at all because you were the first person to wonder what I am doing here. Made you interesting."
"Oh...actually, what are you doing here? If you want black coffee it's so much cheaper to make at home."
He stared through me with a wistful smile for a long moment before he finally spoke again. "What do you think happens after death?"
"What?"
"After death."
The question hit too close to home, and I shook my head to force the accident from my mind. "Nothing. You die. The end."
"I used to think that too. Never gave it more thought than that my whole life. Not until my wife died twenty years ago."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault. You'll be a lot happier."
"Sorry."
He sighed. "Her name was Marilyn Esther. She died of cancer. But oh, if you could have seen her. She was a classic beauty, with big brown eyes and golden hair that shined like the sun. When I got with her in '48, all the other men would have killed to be me."
He pulled a photo from his wallet, and though it was in black and white it was clear how little he was exaggerating. "She's gorgeous," I agreed. "Like an old movie star."
"She would have hated hearing that. Always thought herself a plain Jane. But you are right. I swear I never saw a woman more beautiful than her. When she died, I was devastated," he continued, a pang of sorrow surfacing in his words. "She was my anchor, and I spent the next eighteen years drifting through life. If she was gone forever, what was the point of going on? Photos and memories fade."
And suddenly he was laughing as he'd been at the beginning of our conversation, with a joy I couldn't begin to understand. "Then one day I came in here and realized I'd been wrong. It wasn't the end. Even after all these years, she was still taking care of me!"
I frowned as he got to his feet shakily. "Wait, what do you mean? I don't get it."
"You see, it was Marilyn who made the coffee, each and every morning." He winked at me, and with that he was off.
His words puzzled me even as I gathered the two mugs at the table and brought them back to the counter. "Have a nice day," the barista cooed pleasantly.
"You too," I replied mechanically, but then it hit me. I glanced back as she returned to work. The golden hair, the deep brown eyes, a face that could have belonged to an old movie star...
After all these years, it was still Marilyn who made his coffee.
When I stepped outside the world had changed even as everyone else went about their day as usual. Suddenly I found myself missing home, and not just how it was in pictures. I thought about the accident.
As I began the walk to my apartment, deep in my own thoughts, a toddler with a mischievous grin ran ahead of his mother along the sidewalk. He caught my eye and giggled as he ran past me, and his mother's apology for his behavior was lost behind the clicking of her heels as she rushed after him. I stopped to watch. Somehow...he reminded me of you.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Novel and books and words, oh my!
Hello, hello. Phar here with plenty to report!
...First off, I have no finished products to report. I'll get that out of the way right now. Been a little sporadic with my projects as of late.
The dystopian slave novel (which still doesn't have a title - actually, let's also get this out of the way: none of these projects currently have titles) is still in the works, though slow going. I plan to finish the first draft before the end of summer, though fingers crossed that it's sooner! I'm just giving myself a long deadline for my sanity's sake, just in case.
I've also made a bit of headway in a novel exploring a dysfunctional father-daughter relationship, the factors that caused the relationship to be that way, and the effects it had on the futures of both parties. A lot of psychology will be in this one, so enthusiasts, be on the lookout! No current timeline on this one.
I've rediscovered my fantasy novel and am determined to make sure it doesn't get put so far on the back burner again. This one is going to be incredibly in depth (you know, the type of book with a map and family tree at the beginning), with a variety of races and deities and histories. Very exciting, but very intimidating. No current timeline here either, sorry.
A storyboard now exists for a novel about soul mates and past lives, inspired greatly by Plato's Symposium. The plan is to follow two souls through lifetimes - not necessarily as lovers, as soul mates are typically viewed, but in a variety of circumstances that guarantee their paths crossing. History and relationships are obviously going to be the key features here. This may be my National Novel Writing Month project this year.
The fifth novel on the table is the least formed - a story about a man who enters the dreams of others whenever he falls asleep, influencing and exploring their psyches and subsequently impacting the real world. This is the other NaNoWriMo option, though I have far less planned at the moment. I guess you'll have to wait until November to see!
On top of that, I'm also beginning to compile a second poetry volume due to an incredibly fruitful Poetry Month, which I hope to have finished before November. Furthermore, I'm currently working on a short story about mermaids and another about the hierarchy of angels, both of which will be included in a future and distant short story volume.
Focusing on one thing? Who's ever heard of such a thing?
Stay tuned!
...First off, I have no finished products to report. I'll get that out of the way right now. Been a little sporadic with my projects as of late.
The dystopian slave novel (which still doesn't have a title - actually, let's also get this out of the way: none of these projects currently have titles) is still in the works, though slow going. I plan to finish the first draft before the end of summer, though fingers crossed that it's sooner! I'm just giving myself a long deadline for my sanity's sake, just in case.
I've also made a bit of headway in a novel exploring a dysfunctional father-daughter relationship, the factors that caused the relationship to be that way, and the effects it had on the futures of both parties. A lot of psychology will be in this one, so enthusiasts, be on the lookout! No current timeline on this one.
I've rediscovered my fantasy novel and am determined to make sure it doesn't get put so far on the back burner again. This one is going to be incredibly in depth (you know, the type of book with a map and family tree at the beginning), with a variety of races and deities and histories. Very exciting, but very intimidating. No current timeline here either, sorry.
A storyboard now exists for a novel about soul mates and past lives, inspired greatly by Plato's Symposium. The plan is to follow two souls through lifetimes - not necessarily as lovers, as soul mates are typically viewed, but in a variety of circumstances that guarantee their paths crossing. History and relationships are obviously going to be the key features here. This may be my National Novel Writing Month project this year.
The fifth novel on the table is the least formed - a story about a man who enters the dreams of others whenever he falls asleep, influencing and exploring their psyches and subsequently impacting the real world. This is the other NaNoWriMo option, though I have far less planned at the moment. I guess you'll have to wait until November to see!
On top of that, I'm also beginning to compile a second poetry volume due to an incredibly fruitful Poetry Month, which I hope to have finished before November. Furthermore, I'm currently working on a short story about mermaids and another about the hierarchy of angels, both of which will be included in a future and distant short story volume.
Focusing on one thing? Who's ever heard of such a thing?
Stay tuned!
Monday, June 9, 2014
The Mermaid and the Sailor
Red sky at night, sailor’s delight,
And what a dull night it had been.
His work wouldn’t end until morning light,
But through fair weather sloth was his sin.
Haphazardly he stared to the sea,
Dreaming of some distant shore –
The comfort of friends, love, and family,
A place he could live that much more.
“Oh, sorrow’s not a good look for you,”
A voice sang from outside of the boat.
The shock almost tripped him into the blue
Where he saw a young woman float.
Her hair was red as a flickering flame,
And her fair skin glowed bright ‘neath the stars.
Her eyes were seductive, her smile the same,
And he guessed that she’d traveled far.
“Why’s a girl like you in a place like this?”
He questioned, tongue sharp as a sword.
She laughed, in a tone that mirrored his,
“Won’t you help a young lady aboard?”
Without thinking he extended his hand;
One pull from her, he was spiraling down.
Gone were the sailor’s chances of land,
And his body would never be found.
The last thing he saw as his vision did fade
Was face and fin of that devious girl,
But strangely he couldn’t feel too dismayed –
Now he belonged to her world.
And what a dull night it had been.
His work wouldn’t end until morning light,
But through fair weather sloth was his sin.
Haphazardly he stared to the sea,
Dreaming of some distant shore –
The comfort of friends, love, and family,
A place he could live that much more.
“Oh, sorrow’s not a good look for you,”
A voice sang from outside of the boat.
The shock almost tripped him into the blue
Where he saw a young woman float.
Her hair was red as a flickering flame,
And her fair skin glowed bright ‘neath the stars.
Her eyes were seductive, her smile the same,
And he guessed that she’d traveled far.
“Why’s a girl like you in a place like this?”
He questioned, tongue sharp as a sword.
She laughed, in a tone that mirrored his,
“Won’t you help a young lady aboard?”
Without thinking he extended his hand;
One pull from her, he was spiraling down.
Gone were the sailor’s chances of land,
And his body would never be found.
The last thing he saw as his vision did fade
Was face and fin of that devious girl,
But strangely he couldn’t feel too dismayed –
Now he belonged to her world.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Poetry Month highlights (part 2)
I think I met you once within my dreams
When I was young and hoped I'd find my knight,
But illusion is more real than it seems -
Now here you are, existing in plain sight!
I think I met you in another life,
In some distant and unknown time and space.
Maybe I was destined to be your wife,
And something brought us home within this place.
I think your side is where I'm meant to be,
And your hand's the one that I am meant to hold.
With you, I've never lived so happily;
Together we could face the coldest cold.
My love, the strings of Fate pulled me to you,
A bond hellfire itself could not undo.
*
Why can't I write about
Anything but you?
My head's usually flooded
With ideas and thoughts immense,
But they don't matter now -
It's all you, you, you
Floating around my skull,
Your name passing my lips,
Pen pouring love onto a page.
How much do stories mean
When real life had a happy ending,
For once, all its own?
Once upon a time I fell in love
With a king, a prince, a knight,
And he made me so much happier
Than any princess, angel, queen
Could ever hope to be,
And we lived happily ever after.
When I was young and hoped I'd find my knight,
But illusion is more real than it seems -
Now here you are, existing in plain sight!
I think I met you in another life,
In some distant and unknown time and space.
Maybe I was destined to be your wife,
And something brought us home within this place.
I think your side is where I'm meant to be,
And your hand's the one that I am meant to hold.
With you, I've never lived so happily;
Together we could face the coldest cold.
My love, the strings of Fate pulled me to you,
A bond hellfire itself could not undo.
*
Why can't I write about
Anything but you?
My head's usually flooded
With ideas and thoughts immense,
But they don't matter now -
It's all you, you, you
Floating around my skull,
Your name passing my lips,
Pen pouring love onto a page.
How much do stories mean
When real life had a happy ending,
For once, all its own?
Once upon a time I fell in love
With a king, a prince, a knight,
And he made me so much happier
Than any princess, angel, queen
Could ever hope to be,
And we lived happily ever after.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Poetry Month highlights (Part 1)
How jealous I am of the tumultuous sea
That holds you deep within its grasp -
A corporeal spirit that keeps you from me,
Mocking with the waves' crashing and gasps.
A glimpse of the sparkling surface of bays
Reminds me how long we must wait
For lips to meet, for that glorious day
When we're brought back together by fate.
But I cannot burden the water with spite,
For someday it shall bear your return,
But that doesn't mean I don't miss you tonight,
And it doesn't allay how I yearn.
That holds you deep within its grasp -
A corporeal spirit that keeps you from me,
Mocking with the waves' crashing and gasps.
A glimpse of the sparkling surface of bays
Reminds me how long we must wait
For lips to meet, for that glorious day
When we're brought back together by fate.
But I cannot burden the water with spite,
For someday it shall bear your return,
But that doesn't mean I don't miss you tonight,
And it doesn't allay how I yearn.
*
The docks are growing colder,
The bay is turning dark,
The mountains fade behind the clouds,
But that won't shake me from this spot.
I just want to stare at oceans,
Pretend I'm watching you,
Pretend the waves are whispers -
"Stay strong, I love you, be home soon."
Even if all that is true,
Even if I must wait weeks,
Nothing will shake me from this spot
Upon the docks on this cold bay.
In sunshine or foul weather,
I swear you'll find me here,
Begging the water to release you,
Awaiting waves to bring you home.
The bay is turning dark,
The mountains fade behind the clouds,
But that won't shake me from this spot.
I just want to stare at oceans,
Pretend I'm watching you,
Pretend the waves are whispers -
"Stay strong, I love you, be home soon."
Even if all that is true,
Even if I must wait weeks,
Nothing will shake me from this spot
Upon the docks on this cold bay.
In sunshine or foul weather,
I swear you'll find me here,
Begging the water to release you,
Awaiting waves to bring you home.
*
How many ways can I say I love you?
You're the blazing sun that brightens my sky.
Your voice sends my heart racing right on cue,
And just a kiss can give me wings to fly.
My lips can't help but echo when you smile;
My hands feel empty when they can't feel yours.
Worth more to me than gold or private isle,
You're the real treasure I'd always wish for.
Before us, I see life with love and joy,
Decades for us to make those memories.
No trickery the Fates could dare employ
Would be strong enough to take you from me.
How much I love? With words it's hard to say -
But I promise I'll show you every day.
You're the blazing sun that brightens my sky.
Your voice sends my heart racing right on cue,
And just a kiss can give me wings to fly.
My lips can't help but echo when you smile;
My hands feel empty when they can't feel yours.
Worth more to me than gold or private isle,
You're the real treasure I'd always wish for.
Before us, I see life with love and joy,
Decades for us to make those memories.
No trickery the Fates could dare employ
Would be strong enough to take you from me.
How much I love? With words it's hard to say -
But I promise I'll show you every day.
*
They say the moon is brilliant,
With her beauty in her shine -
Fair as she softly smiles
And brightens the darkest night.
But with no light from her sun
That she so lovingly reflects,
The moon would lose her luster,
Be a rock like any other.
Sun and moon, day and night -
Until the end of time they're bound.
Without her, his eves are lonely.
Without him, she's nothing special.
With her beauty in her shine -
Fair as she softly smiles
And brightens the darkest night.
But with no light from her sun
That she so lovingly reflects,
The moon would lose her luster,
Be a rock like any other.
Sun and moon, day and night -
Until the end of time they're bound.
Without her, his eves are lonely.
Without him, she's nothing special.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Where has Phar been lately?
She and her husband have moved home to Washington, and the whole social network thing got away from her.
So, in the couple months I've been away from my blog, here's what I've been up to in the world of the written word:
So, in the couple months I've been away from my blog, here's what I've been up to in the world of the written word:
- I did not finish NaNoWriMo this last year. I got about 30,000 words in before moving, and that's where it left off. I'm still working on it though, I promise!
- I still have those two other novels I don't talk about on the back burner, and on top of that I've discovered I have two more novel ideas I'm fleshing out. I'm going to be busy this year.
- I've finished my poetry volume's first draft and have now moved on to editing. That means you should be seeing it published in the near future.
- Statements about royalties arrived the other day for tax purposes. Even if it wasn't much, it was still so satisfying to see anything coming from my work!
- I've been doing more free writes to keep myself from getting rusty, and that's led to all sorts of story ideas as well.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
A long overdue update! NaNo, week one.
Hello, darlings. It's come to my attention that it's been exactly a month since my last update on this blog - fortunately, I've been a little more present on my other blog and on my Facebook page, but I apologize nonetheless.
So, let's get to it. Here's what I've been up to, both in the realms of writing and the personal.
Have a good one, loves!
So, let's get to it. Here's what I've been up to, both in the realms of writing and the personal.
- I'm at 17,697 words in my novel so far, which puts me about 6,000 past where I need to be by today. I love being ahead. This year, my novel is related to a society where human trafficking is even more commonplace. I posted a prologue a few months back.
- Even being ahead, it's likely that I won't finish NaNo this year - unless I keep popping out 8,000 words a day like I did yesterday, which makes me skip meals and act like a crazy person. Anyways, I probably won't finish because I'm moving! My husband just got orders to Washington state, which means a lovely cross-country move. It'll be harder to write during all the necessary move stuff.
- As you can probably guess from the previous bullet point, my husband graduated from his training program here, about a week ago. Everything's happening so very fast.
- My cat is just as disruptive to the writing process as ever. She still finds joy sitting on my notes, but now she's also taken to pushing my laptop off of my lap and claiming the spot as her own for hours at a time.
Have a good one, loves!
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