As You Were

            The timer blared from the kitchen, jerking Caroline out of her private world of literature, the pages of Fahrenheit 451. She glanced at Markus expectantly, but he paid no notice; he simply continued to stare at his hands with a frown. “Are you just going to let your pizza rolls burn?”

            “Our pizza rolls.”

            “Your pizza rolls. I eat real food.”

            He finally looked up at her, his eyes questioning. “Do you think I could make it in the army?”

            With a mischievous grin she leaned over the edge of the bed and tousled his hair. “You’re a bit too scruffy for that. I’m not sure you could rock the buzz cut look.” When his expression remained serious, she sighed. “Sorry, babe, but you couldn’t be dangerous if you tried…”

            The sound of shattering glass once more cut through the night as flesh struck the coffee table that so perfectly accented the room. The shards intermingled with the stained glass lamp and blood drops already scattered on the floor. “How – how did you find me?” Caroline coughed painfully as she dragged herself away in desperation, glass pieces marring her skin with every move. “I moved across the country; I changed my name. How did you find me?”

            Markus kicked the couch furiously, knocking it clear of his path as he kept the gun aimed steadily at her chest. “That’s the thing about prison, Caroline Bennett. A guy gets some connections.”

            “I hope you liked prison, because you’ll definitely be heading back after tonight. Stalking, breaking and entering, assault…” She swallowed hard. “Murder.”

            He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “I’m not going to kill you, Caroline. Not yet.” His eyes grew unfocused as his mind again rolled over all that had occurred. “I want to talk about us…”

            …There was nothing more exciting to an eleven-year-old mind than the arrival of summer, and the two of them hadn’t wasted a second. Markus had been outside her window just as the sun was rising, and she slunk out the door quietly, a towel resting under her arm. “My parents are going to kill me when they find out we went to the lake alone,” she whined as they lost sight of her house. “Dad says that’s how kids drown.”

            “If you start drowning, I’ll save you,” he countered. “Trust me.”

            “I’m a better swimmer than you, Markus!”

            He shrugged. “Then you’ll save me. Whatever.”

            The lake was freezing in the early hours of the morning that June, and it took all of fifteen minutes for them to call it quits and escape the frigid water. Caroline shivered as she wrapped herself in her towel on the shore. “Why did you think this was a good idea?”

            “Hey, you went along with it!” he snapped. “Why would you do that if it was a bad idea?”

            “Because –” She stopped, and he gave her a curious look. “Um, never mind.”

            “Because what?” he prodded teasingly.

            “Nothing!”

            “Because what?”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

            “Because what because what because what?”

He started jabbing her in the shoulder with his pointer finger incessantly, and she pushed him away with a pout. “Stop it!”

            “Ow! I should –”

            “CAROLINE!”

            The familiar screech of her mother’s voice jolted them out of their feud, and Caroline’s eyes filled with panic. “I’m going to be in so much trouble!”

            “Wait –”

            She’d run off before he could finish his sentence, abandoning her sandals and towel on the rocks. He slumped down on the beach with a frown, his toes just barely touching the water. “Dang it.”

            He felt a tap on his shoulder, and as he turned Caroline bent over and pressed her lips to his clumsily, her body trembling with nerves and cold. She blushed sheepishly as she pulled away. “Because that.”

            With that she scooped up her belongings and darted off again, leaving him bewildered there by the water…

            “…There is no us!” she snapped as she struggled to her feet. The only light in her apartment came from the bathroom down the hall, and in that darkness she could scarcely see the expression on his once-familiar face. “There was never an us!”

            “That’s not true!” he growled, stomping forward and shoving her back to the floor. “You used to care about me! You used to love me! For two years you loved me!”

            “You’re twenty-five, Markus! Your prison sentence took up more of your life than that!”

            He shook his head again, this time his jaw set in anger. “That’s right. Seven years I was in there. Seven years to think about you, about how you betrayed me, about how you left me.”

            “I ended things years before you went to jail, you psycho!”

            “It doesn’t matter. You used to love me…”

            “…I don’t understand any of this!” Markus grumbled irritably, tossing his algebra textbook to the floor in a rage. “I give up! I’ll fail, I don’t care!”

            Caroline rolled her eyes from where she sat cross-legged on the floor, bent over her geometry worksheets with intense focus. “Has anyone ever told you that you have anger issues you should probably work out?”

            “Haha.”

            “I’m sure the person you accidentally punch in the mouth will be saying ‘haha,’ too.”

            Markus crossed his arms defiantly and slumped against her bedroom wall, doing his best to keep his feelings in check before she made another snide comment. “I never had problems with math or anything else before middle school.”

            “Well, hate to say it, but elementary school isn’t really good for anything but teaching kids how to do homework. What we were learning wasn’t really strenuous.”

            “Strenu-what?”

            “Really?”

            “Not everyone’s a genius, Caroline!”

            She slowly shut her textbook, her worksheet carefully tucked in to mark her place, and finally looked up at him with a frown. “What’s your problem, man? You’ve been even more jerky than usual lately.”

            “I’m not a jerk!” he corrected defensively. “I just…have a lot on my mind.”

            “You’re kind of a jerk.”

            “I’m not –”

            “Hey, Caroline.” Her little brother popped his head in the doorway, his annoyance evident. “Mom says to tell your friend to stop yelling or she’ll take him home. She says she can only have one grumpy guy in the house at a time, and she’s already got Dad.”

            “Get out of here, you idiot!” Markus snapped, throwing his pencil at him angrily. Her little brother yelped and hid behind the door before it reached him, and broke in half on the edge of the doorframe.

            “I’m telling!”

            Caroline glared at Markus irritably as her brother fled down the hallway. “See, you’re a jerk! Jake wasn’t doing anything to you!”

            “He was interrupting us!”

            “We’re doing homework! There’s not much to interrupt!”

            “Caroline –”

            “Seriously, what harm was he doing? ‘Oh, sorry I’m interrupting your dumb friend failing math.’” She rolled her eyes. “It’s not like he’s going to judge you for struggling. I mean, he just started fractions! What’s he going to –”

            And suddenly she was silenced by his lips locked longingly with hers, taking her by surprise. Her eyes widened as his fingers wrapped into her hair, pulling her closer into him, but before long she’d closed them expectantly and was sucked into the moment, kissing back with equal vigor.

            A knock sounded on her bedroom door, and they broke apart with the expression of a deer caught in headlights. Caroline’s mom stared down at them expectantly, her foot tapping in irritation. “You. Out. I won’t stand for you disrespecting me by assaulting one of my children and mauling the other in my own house.”

            Markus glanced back at Caroline worriedly, but her expression remained simply dazed. “Um, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he grumbled, eyes low as he left the room.

            “Yeah.”

            Her mom continued to stare at her curiously as she heard Markus slam the front door shut. “I didn’t know he was your boyfriend.”

            “Yeah, neither did I…”

            “…Things change, Markus. You changed.” She hesitated for a moment. “Or, you didn’t. Maybe that’s the problem. You’re just as childish and insane as you always were. Poor little boy never grew up.”

            “Oh, haha. You’re so funny, as always.” He kicked her down and placed his boot squarely on her sternum. “Just like you to laugh at my expense.”

            She shrieked in pain at the audible crack beneath his feet, and she clenched at his calf hopelessly. “Get off! Get off!”

            He shook his head, pointing the gun between her eyes with precision. “That’s enough of that, babe.”

            With a shudder she released his leg, glaring up at him with loathing. “Just like you to lash out at everyone in your life,” she groaned. “Seems you’ve taken those anger issues to new extremes, huh?”

            “You do a lot of talking for someone being held at gunpoint. But what can I say? Things change,” he spat mockingly. “Like you. Let’s talk about how you changed…”

            …He found her at the edge of the lake, just a few feet away from the spot where she’d first kissed him. He stared at her from a distance for a moment, taking in the image of her blond hair rippling ever so slightly in the wind as she sat cross-legged, gazing out at the water.

            She turned her head away as he took a seat beside her and leaned in for a kiss, and he frowned worriedly. “What’s wrong? Everyone’s been looking for you.”

            “I…I needed some air. And some time to think.”

            “Think about what?” He laughed nervously, eyes never leaving her porcelain face. “You thinking about dumping me or something?”

            Caroline said nothing, simply nodding as she stared at the sun reflecting off the water’s surface. Markus got to his feet angrily. “What? Why?”

            “It’s complicated, Markus,” she strained. “I…I just don’t think we should be together anymore.”

            “Why the hell not? I love you, Caroline!”

            “I love you, too. But it’s never going to be in the way you want.”

            “That’s not what you’ve been saying for the last two years!” He glared down at her, sitting calmly there on the rocks, and he yanked her up by her elbow furiously.

            “Markus!”

            “Talk to me, Caroline!” he roared. “Tell me what I did! Is there someone else? Is that it?”

            “Of course not!” she snapped, jerking her arm away and staring him down indignantly. “Or…yes. I don’t know, Markus! It’s complicated!”

            “Who’s the other guy? I’ll kill him!”

            “There’s no other guy, Markus!” Her hands trembled as she ran them back through her hair in frustration, but when she’d finished her voice was steadier. “I’ve…I’ve been talking to Tina.”

            “What, the freckled dyke from our biology class?” he scoffed. “What’s she got to do –”

            Caroline clenched her eyes shut and bit her lip nervously as the gears in Markus’ head clicked into place. “It’s a girl?” He laughed, and she opened her eyes at the unexpected sound. “Oh, babe, you don’t have to leave me because of that.”

            “Um, what?”

            “I don’t mind if you feel like experimenting. It’s not cheating if it’s with a chick, so you can get your lesbo kicks and still be with me.” He moved to embrace her in relief, a near-lusty grin upon his face. “Hell, she could join us if you want. I promise I won’t mind.”

            It was her turn to be angry, and she pushed him away with disgust. “You’re such a pig!”

            “You’re the one that wants to sleep with a bunch of women!”

            “One woman, Markus. I love one woman.”

            His face fell. “Love? You love her? But you love me.”

            She sighed. “I’m gay, Markus. I’m sorry, but you can’t change that.”

            “Then what was I, huh?”

            “I didn’t know –”

            “No, screw you!” He grabbed her by the elbow again and threw her to the ground, and before she was even back on her feet he was gone…

            “…So, tell me. Are you stealing munching rug these days, or did you switch back to men when you got all your slutty escapades out of your system?”

            “You’re still a pig,” she coughed bitterly, wriggling a bit beneath his boot as glass cut into her back.

            “Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t expect a straight answer. But I already saw your precious Jenna’s name on the mailbox.” He released her irritably, pacing as he struggled to control his rage, intent on finishing what he had to say despite his instincts begging him to pull the trigger. “Tell me, does she have freckles like Tina did? Do you have a cute little type?”

            Caroline raised herself from the carpet shakily, shards of glass still digging into her back and palms. “How dare you even speak her name after all you did! It should have been you that died that night!”

            Markus slowly sat down on the couch with a twisted smile, staring at her expectantly. “Does your girlfriend know you took your dead ex’s last name?”

            Her rage made her bulletproof, and despite the gun still aimed in her direction she lunged, fingernails digging into his throat as she knocked it out of his hand. The pistol fell to the carpet with a soft thud as Caroline wrestled him to the floor…

           

            …Graduation had been a long, tedious procession, but graduation night had been treating them kindly. Caroline chatted with her friends in a corner of the party, barely listening beneath the thumping of the music that made it too loud for conversation anyways. Instead she watched her girlfriend across the room, pouring more beer from the keg while still inexplicably wearing her graduation cap atop her ash brown hair. She was adorable, if not a little odd.

            “I saw you checking out my butt,” Tina teased as she slid another drink into her hand. “I totally get it. It’s a nice butt. Not as nice as yours though.”

            Caroline smiled coyly. “Maybe I’ll have to get you naked later to compare.”

            Tina leaned in to kiss her, biting her lip gently just before pulling away. “You’re cute when you’re drunk and seductive.”

            Their lusty banter was interrupted by the sound of sirens and the teenage party erupting into chaos. “Shit!” she hissed, slinking with Tina into the kitchen as everyone scattered. They followed the crowd out the side door as the cops poured in through the front, but once outside it became clear that there were few places to run.

            Suddenly she was being dragged by the elbow, Tina yelling angrily as she followed. “Markus, let me go! What the hell are you doing, kidnapping me?” she slurred.

            “We’re getting out of here,” he snapped, opening the door to his car and forcefully shoving her inside. “I’m not getting arrested tonight.”

            “You’re drunk!” Tina shrieked as he closed Caroline into the front seat.

            “We’re all drunk, you slut!” he retorted. “But I’m still getting me and Caroline out of here.”

            “I don’t want to go with you!” Caroline moaned, struggling with the door handle. Markus yanked her away, holding onto her as the car’s engine roared to life.

            Tina glanced around desperately before throwing the door to the backseat open and jumping inside. “What are you doing?” Markus roared. “Get out!”

            “I’m not letting you take her without me!” Tina growled, disdainfully eyeing his grip on her girlfriend’s arm. “She’s drunk and I don’t trust you. Either let her go or take me with you.”

            Markus snarled as he threw the car into drive and sped off toward one of the back roads that led away from the house. The flashing of sirens behind them proved that they hadn’t made a clean escape, but he made no effort to slow down.

            “Markus, please,” Caroline pleaded. “They already caught you. Just slow down.”

            “I’m not going to jail tonight,” he repeated, and the car continued to accelerate. “I can lose them.”

            “They probably already have your plates, Markus,” Tina insisted. “It’s a lost cause. At least stop and let us out.”

            “They’ll catch me if I stop.” It felt as if the car was driving on just two wheels as he rounded a sharp turn in the darkness, and Caroline shrieked in horror, clutching her chest with her free hand.

            “You’re not even driving with both hands! You’re going to get us killed!”

            “I know what I’m doing, so shut up!” he snapped at her, tightening his grip until she yelped.

            “Markus, stop it!” Tina begged.

            “Shut up!”

            “If you say you still love her why won’t you just listen?”

            “How dare you –”

            He turned with the intent to fight, but his words were interrupted by an ungodly scream from Caroline’s lips, and the unmistakable motion of the car veering off the road as he missed a turn, sending them tumbling over the embankment.

            When Caroline came to, all she could see was the tree pushing into the crumpled passenger side of the car. The driver’s seat was empty, and she wiped a trickle of blood from her forehead with a groan. “Tina? Are you okay?”

            No reply came, and she turned around in confusion. She knew that her girlfriend wouldn’t have booked it like Markus had. “Tina?”

            She was lying on the floor of the backseat, her neck twisted in a position that no human could survive. The searching flashlights came too late…

            …Despite all her rage and effort, Markus had regained the upper hand, and she struggled against him vainly as he straddled her. She clawed at his arms desperately as he wrapped his hands around her throat. “This isn’t how I’d planned it, but I guess it’ll have to do,” he growled. “You and that bitch, you ruined my life! You owe me yours!”

            She could feel her face grow hot as her body begged for air, and though she continued to flail and pray for a way out, she clenched her eyes shut; she didn’t want his face to be the last thing she ever saw.

            A shot rang out, and the pressure lessened before he pulled his hands away altogether. She opened her eyes to see him clutching his chest in shock, a telling hole where his heart should have been. Caroline threw her hands up defensively to catch him as he collapsed on top of her, and she shoved his body off with disgust.

            Jenna’s freckled face stared down at the dead man with wide, teary eyes. With trembling hands she let the gun fall back to the floor. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

            Caroline climbed to her feet shakily, the exhaustion and pain hitting her all at once. “Sorry? Why are you sorry?”

            “I killed him. I didn’t mean…I didn’t know what to do…”

            “He was going to kill me,” Caroline insisted, taking her girlfriend into her bloody arms soothingly. “You saved my life.”

            “I love you so much. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

            “I love you too.”

            Jenna cried into Caroline’s neck, and she stroked her hair soothingly as the poor girl’s shoulders heaved with each sob. But Caroline’s eyes remained dry, and despite all that had passed she knew that seeing that lifeless face would still leave her cold…

            The summer of sixteen was coming to an end, and Caroline wore a content smile as she leaned into Markus and let the sun beat down on her face. He stroked her hair lovingly, his fingers twisting playfully at the ends. Inside the mall behind them, people were bustling and searching desperately for the perfect outfit to wear for the first day back at school.

            “This summer was so great, and it’s still ending,” Caroline sighed. “What if that’s what our relationship’s like, hmm? Great, and then it ends?”

            Markus laughed, shaking his head. “No way. You and me, babe, we’re going to last forever.”

My mom is flying into town later this morning, so chances are I won't have a chance to post here for the next week or so. But I'll be seeing you soon! Have a wonderful week!